Bodybuilding and Fitness Jokes

Bodybuilding and Fitness Jokes

Q: Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger train on a desert island?
A: He wanted maximum isolation

Q: How do Columbians develop muscle?
A: By pushing drugs

Q: Why was the farmer arrested at the gym?
A: He was destroying his calves.

Q: What do you get when you cross a bodybuilder with a Peeping Tom?
A: Amazing Peeks

Q: Why did the bodybuilder go to the hospital?
A: Somebody told him he was all cut up!

Q: How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to do it and two to chant “you’re looking huge man, you’re looking huge!”

Q: What did the bodybuilder say when he opened his protein tub?
A: No whey!

Q: Why did the bodybuilder cross the road?
A: He didn’t. There’s no walking on leg day.

Q: What exercise do Hairdressers do in the gym?
A: Curls

Q: Why wasn’t the bodybuilder evicted?
A: Because he was squatting

Q: Why did the stupid Bodybuilder train at the zoo?
A: He wanted to get ripped to shreds

Q: What do you call a Bodybuilder with a sunburn?
A: Flecks Wheeler

Q: What do you call Santa Claus with muscles?
A: Mr. XMass

Q: Why did the bodybuilder buy tape from the hardware store?
A: Somebody told him he was ripped!

Q: What do you say to a bodybuilding cow farmer?
A: Show us your calves!

You Have The Tickets:
The Tickets To The Gun Show

You Have Any Tape?:
I Am Ripped

They Closed Stone Mountain.
They Found A Bigger Rock

I Almost Got Arrested Today
For Having Those Guns!!!

Almost Got Kicked Out Of School Today
Carrying Around A Six Pack And 2 Guns

Got Any Band Aids
Check Out These Cuts

what Are Those Strings Hanging From Your Shirt?
Ooo Wait There Your Arms!!

Hey I Just Got Accepted To Ucmb”, Huh? Whats That? “University Of California Muscle Beach!” Also This Has To Do With Girls And Emo Losers, “Chicks Already Have A Pussy They Dont Need Another One”

Take it you like cows?
No why?
Becuase look at those calves

I cant wear a jacket without a concealed weapon license.

Is There A Vet Around Here?
– No, Why?
Cause These Pythons Are Sick!!!

when threating someone, look down at your right bicep, then your left one, and say ‘what do you want… the hospital, or the morgue?’
when someone askes you the direction to some place…. flex your bicep and point and go ‘the beach….. is that a way’ in an arnold voice.

Gold’s Gym was robbed last week, that’s the last time they recommend free weights….

Why did the stupid Bodybuilder train at the zoo?
He wanted to get ripped to shreds….

Why wasn’t the bodybuilder evicted? Because he was squatting

What exercise do Hairdressers do in the gym? Curls

Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger train on a desert island?
He wanted maximum isolation.

If you notice a number of Bodybuilders in the gym getting erections,don’t worry it’s called bulking up.

What do you get when you cross a Bodybuilder with a peeping tom? Amazing peeks.

A smart alec sent an oxford dictionary to a pro bodybuilder and told him it would help with the definition.

Did you hear about the farmer, he was arrested for destroying his calves in the gym.

A kid talking to Ronnie Coleman
“What does KG mean sir?”
“Killer Glutes”

Coach:”A bodybuilder is like a tree God.”
Client:”Yeah,and some of them bare their nuts.”

A dumb Bodybuilder tried to rescue a girl from two live power cables but he got electocuted because he tried to do cable crossovers.

Arnold Schwarzennegger’s arms were so big he could break a Hotel Chain

A female Bodybuilder once injected steroids into her pussy, now she’s a muscly c*nt.

This one only works on someone else that is big…They walk in with their hands in their pockets…Do you have a permit? And they say “A permit for what?!” and you say , You cant just carry around concealed deadly weapons! Kinda lame i know

I work at wal-mart, and everyone calls me muscle man. I’m not huge but im above average. Anyway, one day i walked in before work and got one of those pink stickers that you have to get on returned items so that the service desk knows you broght it in the store. I put it on my arm and walked over to the service desk and said ” I would like to returns these guns” They still make references about that to me.

‘May god have mercy upon my enemies, because i wont.’
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‘Its not the size of the dog in the fight its the size of the fight in the dog’

“Everyday I feel like I become less of a man but more of a legened”

some ******* told me to put a shirt on in the changeroom and i said

what happened when the bodybuilder jumped into the pool of carrot juice
He found string beans and some toothpaste straped to a knee brace with duck tape

Why did the bodybuilder want a lawn mower? So he can cut for the competition.

Heard about the bodybuilder who soaked himself in ice cold water?
He wanted his muscles to have a full contraction.

“You better call a plumber, cause these pipes are about to burst!”

Do you have any tape? Because I’m totally ripped.

This elliptical isn’t the only thing getting my heart rate up.

Girl, do you need to get your protein macros up? Because I’d gladly put my meat inside you

I know a fun activity that can burn 500 calories an hour…

I got stopped by a police officer on the way here. He told me it was illegal to carry these guns in public.

How’d you like to be my special push-up partner?

Do you squat here often?

I’m gonna have my ‘whey’ with you!

Let’s do lunge.

Do you want me to spot you while you do those squats?

Do you have a band-aid? Because I’m cut!

Bodybuilding Jokes Pictures