Religious

8 Funny Halal Islamic Jokes Only Muslims Will Understand

Before you read these jokes, you might need to peruse a tiny bit about the states of joking in Islam. The article is situated at the bottom of this page.

A man is taking a stroll in Central park in New York. All of a sudden he sees a young lady being assaulted by a pit bull canine . He keeps running over and begins fighting with the puppy. He succeeds in killing the puppy and saving the young lady’s life. A policeman who was watching the scene strolls over and says: “You are a saint, tomorrow you can read it in every one of the daily papers: “Overcome New Yorker spares the life of young lady” The man says: – “However I am not a New Yorker!” “Gracious ,then it will say in daily papers in the morning: ‘Fearless American spares the life of young lady'” – the policeman answers. “In any case, I am not an American!” – says the man. “Goodness, what are you then? ” The man says: – “I am a Saudi !” The following day the daily papers says: “Islamic radical kills innocent American pooch.


Here is the story of an Imam who got up after Friday petitions and reported to the people:”I have uplifting news and terrible news. The uplifting news is, we have enough cash to pay for our new building program. The shocking news is’, despite everything it out there in your pockets.”


An Imam stunned his group when he reported that he was resigning from that specific Masjid and moving to a drier atmosphere. After the session, an exceptionally distressed woman went to the Imam with tears in her eyes, “Gracious, Imam, we are going to miss you to such an extent. We don’t need you to leave!” The kind hearted Imam said “Now, now, sister, don’t continue. The Imam who has my spot may be far better than me”.

“Yeah”, she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice, “That’s what they said the last time too . . .


Genuine Incident: During a Jumah Khutbah in a residential community, an Imam discussed the centrality of saying “Insha Allah” (which implies if Allah wills) when planning to accomplish something later on. Following a couple days, a man who had additionally gone to the Khutbah was going to purchase a cow from the business sector. In transit, he met a companion who asked him where he was going. He enlightened him regarding buying the cow yet did not say Insha Allah in the end. His friend reminded him about the Khutbah and instructed him to say Insha Allah. In any case, this individual stated that he had the cash he needs and the vitality to go to the business sector, in this way, there is no point of saying Insha Allah as he will certainly purchase the dairy animals. He felt that saying Insha Allah won’t have any effect.

When he achieved the business sector, he found a dairy animals that lived up to his desires. He bargained with the merchant and went to a sensible cost. Finally, he chose to pay for the dairy animals yet was puzzled when he found that his cash was missing. A hoodlum had stolen the cash while he was walking through the bustling business sector. The cow dealer asked him whether he was going to purchase the dairy animals or not. “Insha Allah, I will purchase it one week from now,” he said. When he achieved home, his better half inquired about the bovine. He informed her concerning how he neglected to say Insha Allah, furthermore included, “Insha Allah, I needed to purchase the dairy animals. Be that as it may, Insha Allah, my cash was stolen. Insha Allah, I will purchase it one week from now.” His significant other cleared up to him that we ought to say Insha Allah for things that are yet to happen, not for those things that had as of now happened. He always remembered his “Insha Allah” again.


Once, the general population of the city invited Mulla Nasruddin to convey a discourse. When he got on the minbar (platform), he found the gathering of people was not extremely excited, so he asked “Do you comprehend what I am: going to say?” The group of onlookers answered “NO”, so he reported “I have no longing to address individuals who don’t recognize what I will discuss” and he exited. The general population felt humiliated and got back to him again the following day. This time when he asked the same question, the general population answered “YES” So Mullah Nasruddin said, “Well, since you definitely realize what I am going to say, I won’t squander any a greater amount of your time” and he cleared out. Presently the general population were truly astounded. They chose to attempt once again and at the end of the day invited the Mullah to talk the following week. By and by he asked the same inquiry – “Do you recognize what I am going to say?” Now the general population were readied thus 50% of them replied “YES” while the other half answered “NO”. So Mullah Nasruddin said “The half who realize what I am going to say, instruct it to the next half” and he cleared out!


Genuine Incident: A young fellow in a town declined to trust that Allah has absolute control of everything. He guaranteed that Allah can’t make him eat nourishment in the event that he would not like to eat. To demonstrate his point, he chose to stay hungry for a day and check whether Allah can make him eat. His mom attempted her best to stop this silliness yet he gave careful consideration. Irritated of his mom in the evening, he chose to climb a tree and detach himself there. Being sympathetic, his mom chose to leave the nourishment under the tree incase her child finally surrenders and needs to eat. At the point when the night fell, a gathering of criminals were passing by that tree. They saw a plate of scrumptious sustenance put under the tree. They took a gander at each other in awe and believed that somebody must play a trap on them. May be somebody is trying to harm them with great sustenance. They glanced around to check whether there was anybody close-by and saw the young fellow on top of the tree. The thieves got him down and instructed him to eat the sustenance to check whether it is harmed. Yet, the young fellow declined to eat as he is as yet carrying on his test against Allah. The thieves got to be suspicious and began beating the young fellow to eat. He surrendered and began eating. Seeing that the sustenance was not harmed, the criminals left him and left. Finally, the young fellow conceded that yes, Allah has all out control of everything!


An old woman came to the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) and said: “O Messenger of Allah, pray to Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) that I will enter Paradise.” He said jokingly, “O Mother of So-and-so, no old women will enter Paradise.” The old woman went away crying, so the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said, “Tell her that she will not enter Paradise as an old woman, for Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) says: (We have created [their Companions] of special creation, and made them virgin-pure [and undefiled]) (Qur’an 56:35-36).” Reported by al-Tirmidhi, it is hasan because of the existence of corroborating reports.


An elderly lady was well-known for her Iman and for her confidence in talking about it. She would stand in front of her house and say Alhamdulilah “Allah be praised” to all those who passed by. Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, “There ain’t no Lord!!” Hard times came upon the elderly lady, and she prayed for Allah to send her some assistance. She would pray out loud in her night prayer” Oh Allah! I need food!! I am having a hard time, please Lord, PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!” The atheist happened to hear her as she was praying, and decided to play a prank on her. The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, “Alhamdulilah, Allah be praised!.” The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, “Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn’t.” The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, “ALHAMDULILAH WA SHUKRILLAH”. He not only sent me groceries, but he made the devil pay for them!”


Rules of Joking in Islam

A few people joke an excessive amount of and it turns into a propensity for them. This is the inverse of the genuine nature which is the normal for the devotees. Joking is a break, a rest from ongoing earnestness and striving; it is a little unwinding for the spirit. ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez (may Allaah show kindness toward him) said: “Trepidation joking, for it is habit and creates feelings of resentment.”

Imam al-Nawawi (may Allaah show affection toward him) said: “The kind of joking which is illegal is what is over the top and persevering, for it prompts an excessive amount of giggling and hardening of the heart, it occupies from recognition of Allaah, and it frequently inspires hurt feelings, creates scorn and makes individuals lose appreciation and pride. Yet, whoever is sheltered from such risks, then that which the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to do is allowable for him.”

Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqaas said: “Set a breaking point to your jokes, for going to extremes makes you lose regard and incites the silly against you.”

The measure of joking ought to resemble the measure of salt in one’s sustenance.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Don’t chuckle excessively, to laugh an excessive amount of stifles the heart.” (Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7312)

‘Umar ibn al-Khattab (may Allaah be satisfied with him) said: “Whoever snickers an excess of or jokes a lot of losing appreciation, and whoever continues in doing something will be known for it.”

So be careful with joking, for it “causes a man to lose face after he was considered as respectable, and it brings him mortification after regard.”

A man said to Sufyaan ibn ‘Uyaynah (may Allaah be satisfied with him), “Joking is wrong, it is to be reproved.” He answered, “Rather it is Sunnah, yet just for the individuals who know how to do it and do it at the fitting time.”

These days, in spite of the fact that the Ummah needs to increase the affection between its people and to ease itself of weariness, it has run too far with respect to unwinding, giggling and jokes. This has turned into a propensity which fills their gatherings and squanders their time, so their lives are wasted and their daily papers are loaded with jokes and trivia.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “In the event that you recognized what I know, you would chuckle close to nothing and sob much.” In Fath al-Baari it says: “What is implied by learning here needs to do with the might of Allaah and His retaliation upon the individuals who resist Him, and the fear that happen at death, in the grave and on the Day of Resurrection).

Muslim men and ladies must be inclined to pick noble and genuine companions in their lives, who will help them to make great utilization of their time and make progress toward the purpose of Allaah with earnestness and endurance, great and upright individuals whose illustration they can take after. Bilaal ibn Sa’d said: “I saw them [the Sahaabah] jokingly pretending to battle about a few products, and laughing with each other, however when night came they resembled friars.”

Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be satisfied with him) was solicited, “Did the Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) snicker?” He said, “Yes, and the confidence in their souls resembled mountains.”

So you need to take after the case of such individuals, who were knights by day and friars (i.e., dedicated admirers) by night.

May Allaah keep us, you and our folks safe on the Day of the Greatest Terror, those to whom the get down on will approach that awesome Day:

“Enter Paradise, no apprehension might be on you, nor shall you grieve.”

[al-A’raaf 7:49 – interpretation of the meaning]