Dieting is severe and a hard thing to do. Why not cheer up those friends who are on diet plan by telling them hilarious jokes about dieting. Here are our favorite best one-liner diet jokes.
Diets are for people that are thick and tired of it.
Gluten, putting the die back into the diet.
I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.
Yo mamma so fat, when she went on a diet, she ended world hunger.
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
I know it’s three meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
Dieting is not a piece of cake.
If your dog is too fat, then your not getting enough exercise.
I heard Bruce Willis is trying to lose weight. Apparently, he’s trying to “Diet Hard.”
Have you heard of the garlic diet?
You don’t lose much weight, but your friends think you look thinner from a distance.
STOP telling me about your diet.
Just shut up, eat your lettuce and be sad.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea?
A Salad Shooter
How do you know your low-fat diet is working?
The fat hangs lower every day.
Have you seen the Spy thriller about fat people?
It’s called “Tomorrow Never Diets.”
Why are most horses in shape?
Because they are on a stable diet.
How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cow?
One if nobody’s looking.
What does a bulimic have for dessert?
What do you call the king of vegetables?
Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they are used to eating nuts!
What do vegan zombies eat?
What do you call a fascist vegan?
What should you never put in an ice cream sundae?
How do most people curb their appetite?
At the drive-thru window.
Why should you go to the paint store if you’re on a diet?
You can get thinner there.
What do you get when you put the right amount of meat and vegetables on a scale?
A balanced meal.
When should you go on a cheese diet?
If you need to cheddar a few pounds
What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?