This page shares the best collection of medical jokes you could ever find on the internet. People who work in a medical field are not so funny, but sometimes there is no better medicine than a good laughter.
- Brian’s anxiety level was at superb levels. His wife Maggie was in the process of giving birth, and Brian was confident the time had come to make a beeline for the hospital. Breathing intensely, Brian snatched the telephone and called the specialist. “MY WIFE, SHE’S READY, SHOULD WE COME?” The doctor attempted to unwind the poor individual, “just try to relax, now let me know what amount of time passes between the contractions? “SHIRLEY!” Brian shouted on the highest point of his lungs, “The amount TIME IN BETWEEN THE CONTRACTIONS? TEN MINUTES? Alright, TEN MINUTES IN BETWEEN!” “And is this her first baby?” Questioned the doctor. “NO YOU STUPID NITWIT, THIS IS HER HUSBAND!”
- Did you here about the person who lost his entire left side? He’s okay at this point!
- “Just relax,” the hospital staff continued telling Jim, yet it was without much of any result. Jim’s significant other was in the process of giving birth, and Jim was an apprehensive wreck. After what appeared like a week, to both Jim and the hospital staff, a medical attendant turned out with the upbeat news, “it’s a young lady,” she cried. “Say thanks to God, a girl,” said Jim, “at any rate, she won’t need to experience what I just experienced!”
- I was very terrified about setting off to the eye specialist to complete a particular method on my eyes. The doctor attempted to comfort me however without much of any result. It was after he completed with my first eye that I about bounced out of the seat. “There,” he said, “stand out eye left!”
- A blondie man went into the crisis room with his two ears smoldered. “What happened?” asked the specialist. “Well,” the man clarified, “my better half was pressing dress, behind my seat while I was sitting in front of the TV. She put down the iron alongside the telephone, and when the phone rang, I addressed the iron.” “Wow that is shocking” reacted the specialist, and what happened to your other ear?” “Well” the blonde fellow responded, “Right after that, the telephone rang once more!”
The lady’s spouse had been slipping all into a state of coma for a while, but she had stayed by his bed every day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come closer. One day as she sat by him, he whispered, eyes brimming with tears, “Guess what? You have been with me all through the awful times. When I got terminated, you arrived to bolster me. At the point when my business fizzled, you arrived. When I got shot, you were close by. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. At the point when my well-being began coming up short, you were still close by. Guess what?”
“What dear?” She delicately asked, grinning as her heart loaded with warmth.
“I believe you’re bad luck.”
An old man visits the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife following along.
At the point when the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man,
“I require a pee test, a stool test, and a sperm test.”
The old man, being in need of a hearing aide, takes a look at his wife and shouts: “WHAT?”
“What did he say? What’s he need?”
His wife hollers back, “He needs your underwear.”
At the point when a doctor commented on another tolerant’s exceptionally bronzed appearance, he said, “High blood pressure, Doc. I got that from my family.”
“Your mom’s side or your father’s?” I inquired.
“No,” answered. “It’s from my wife’s family.”
“Gracious, come now,” I said. “How could you get hypertension from your wife’s family?”
He murmured. “You have to meet them at some point, Doc!”
A man associated with SARS was lying in bed with a veil over his mouth when a young assistant nurse came to wipe his face and hands.
“Nurse,” he murmurs from behind the veil, “Are my testicles black?”
Humiliated, the nurse answers: ” I was to wash your face and hands.” He battles again to ask, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”
Again the nurse answers, “I can’t tell. I’m just here to wash your face and hands.”
Simply then, the Head Nurse was passing and saw the man getting somewhat upset, so she walked over to ask what wasn’t right.
“Nurse,” he muttered, “Are my testicles black?”
Being a senior nurse, the Head Nurse was unflinching. She whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his pajama trousers, moved his penis off the beaten path, had a right decent look, pulled up the night wear, supplanted the bedclothes and reported, “Nothing amiss with your testicles.”
At this the man pulled off his veil and yelled:
“I SAID… ARE MY TESTS RESULTS BACK?!!”
A midget down in Texas who grumbled to his friend that his testicles ached constantly. As he was continually whining about his issue, his friend, at last, recommended that he should visit a doctor to see what should be possible to diminish the problem. The midget took his recommendation and went to the doctor and let him know what the issue was.
The doctor instructed him to drop his jeans, and he would observe. The dwarf dropped his jeans. The doctor put him up onto the looking at the table and began to inspect him. The doc put one finger under the midget’s left testicle and advised the dwarf to turn his head and cough, the typical system to check for a hernia. “Aha!” the doc and putting his finger under the right testicle, he requested that a midget cough once more. “Aha!” said the doctor and went for his surgical scissors. The clip, cut, cut, cut on the right side then cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut on the left side.
The midget was so frightened he was reluctant to look, however, noted with wonder that the cutting did not hurt. The doctor then advised the dwarf to get dressed and check whether despite everything they hurt.
The doctor was utterly charmed as he strolled around the doc’s office and found his testicles were no more throbbing. “Hmm, what did you do, Doc?” he inquired.
The doc answered, “I cut two inches off the highest points of your cowboy boots.”
The Bitter Truth
Jack complained to his friend Mike and said, “My elbow hurts badly. I figure I better see a doctor.”
“Wait, you don’t need to spend that sort of cash,” Mike answers. “There’s a diagnostic PC at the drugstore at the corner. Only give it a pee test, and the computer will let you know what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and expenses ten dollars. A heck of a great deal less expensive than a doctor.”
So Jack stores a pee test in a little jug and takes it to the drugstore. He put ten dollars, and the PC lights up and requests the piss test. He empties the specimen into space and holds up. After ten seconds, the PC launches a printout: You have tennis elbow. Absorb your arm warm water and maintain a strategic distance from the overwhelming action. It will get better in two weeks.
That night while thinking how astonishing this innovation was, Jack started thinking about whether the PC could be tricked. He blended some faucet water, a sample of his dog stool, pee tests from his wife and a little girl, and jerked off into the blend for good measure.
Jack rushes back to the drugstore, enthusiastic to check the outcomes. He puts ten dollars pours in his invention and awaits the results.
The PC prints the accompanying:
1. Your faucet water is too hard. Get a water conditioner.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bath him with anti-fungal cleaner.
3. Your little girl’s a cocaine addict. Get her into recovery.
4. Your wife is pregnant…twin young ladies. They aren’t yours. Get an attorney.
5. If you don’t quit playing with yourself, your elbow will never show signs of improvement.
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