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Weed Jokes For Stoners To Make The Funniest Weed Moments

weed jokes

Welcome to the best collection of funny weed jokes. Use these jokes when you’re high and make your stoner friends laugh. Feel free to share these jokes about smoking weed or marijuana.

Q: How get sticking to of you know you are a real stoner?

A: When your bong gets washed on top of your dishes!
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Q: What do you call a pothead following two spliffs?
A: Double jointed.
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Q: What reach you call one bowl in the company of three tokers ?
A: Malnutrition.
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Q: Why is the roach graze called a roach clip?
A: Because pot holder was taken
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Q: Did you listen nearly the kid that overdosed as regards weed?
A: Niether did I.
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Q: What perform you call a relatives that grows Marijuana in their backyard?
A: A Joint Family.
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Q: What reach you call a stoners wife?
A: Mississippi
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Q: What reach you call child support that grows upon trees?
A: Marijuana
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Q: What attain profit following you soak a spliff in Vodka?
A: The Holy Spirit!
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Q: What reach you call a potato that smokes weed?
A: A baked potato.
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Q: What is the difference together in the middle of a drunk and a stoner at a buttonhole sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
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Q: What reach you call a stoner gone horny?
A: A weed wacker!
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Q: What realize you call a bunch of mexican stoners?
A: Baked Beans.
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Q: How realize you get sticking together of a one-armed stoner out of a tree?
A: Wave.
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Q: What did the frog make known after lighting going on?
A: Don’t Worry be Hoppy?
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Q: What involve an achievement-prosecution you acquire once you eat marijuana ?
A: A pot front
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Q: What obtain you call a stoner spilling his weed upon the floor?
A: Drug Abuse.
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Q: How reach you know considering you have smoked ample pot ?
A: When you creation looking in the region of for the directions upon how to use the lighter.
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Q: How reach you know your a pothead?
A: You studied five days for a urine test?
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Q: What get sticking to of you call a pothead that doesn’t inhale?
A: Mr. President.
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Q: What obtain you offensive if you feel a make public man though getting tall?
A: Park in it dude
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Q: What’s the reduction of a weed wacker?
A: Weed wackers compulsion to wack it too!
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Q: How realize fish party ?
A: Seaweed.
Q: Why did the pot head tree-reforest cheerios?
A: He thought they were donut seeds.
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Q: What complete you call a person who remembers what they did at woodstock ?
A: A Liar.
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Q: What realize you call it surrounded by than a roach ash burns your shirt?
A: A pot hole!
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Q: What is Reality?
A: An magic caused by a nonappearance of enjoyable weed.
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Q: How many potheads does it believe to fine-heavens a lightbulb.
A: Screw it, we got lighters
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Q. How long does it endorse in the to the fore a pound of weed goes bad?
A. I don’t know! I’ve never had it longer than an hour!
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Q: How reach you hide pot from a hippie?
A: Put it in his influence an achievement boots.
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Q: What obtain you called a doped-taking place Pikachu?
A: Tokemon!
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Q: What is the difference together in the midst of politicians and stoners ?

A: Politicians don’t inhale…they just suck.

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A stoner called the fire department and said, “Come fast my home is upon fire!” The Fireman asked “How realize we attain there?” The stoner says “DUH, in a all-powerful red truck!”
Police Officer: “How tall are you?”
Pothead: “No superintendent, it’s “Hi, How are you?”
  • A stoner stumbles out of a party and starts to walk home. One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled. The man limps up to the stoner and says “Call me an ambulance!” The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, “You’re an ambulance!”
  • Actual words that came out of my professor’s mouth during class
    Professor: Don’t throw the weed out with the bong water.
    Professor: Uhh, I mean don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater!
  • So today at school someone was smoking loud today or whatever and made the school smell like big ass dank. AND I GUESS THAT MEANS WE ARE A HIGH SCHOOL.
  • What happens when a pot smoker decides to change their life for the better? They turn over a new leaf!
  • Why did the man smell strongly of dope? Because of a skunk weed on him.
  • Who does a pothead tell all his secrets to? His best buds.
  • How do you congratulate a stoner? Give him a high 5!
  • What did one marijuana leaf say to the other? We’re best buds forever!
  • A cop pulls over a car. He walks up to the car, the driver lowers his window, and a cloud of weed smoke pours out.  The cop looks at the driver and notices his eyes are as red as a stop sign. The cop then asks the driver, “How high are you?
    The driver laughs and says, No officer, it’s Hi, How are you.
  • Why do stoners spend so much money? Because they’re high rollers.

If you’ve enjoyed marijuana jokes, you may also like:

Alcohol Jokes

Drunk Jokes