Dirty Little Johnny Jokes That Are So Filthy You’ll Need A Shower

Little Johnny Dirty Jokes

It’s true that most of Little Johnny jokes are dirty and filthy, but they will make you laugh out loud. Start telling these dirty little johnny jokes in your class and watch them laugh out loud.

Little Johnny Comes up to the Man

One Day a Man Lied down on a Nude Beach. Little Johnny Comes up to the Man, Points to His Penis and Asks What It Was. “Oh, That’s My Birdie.” Said the Man. “Oh,” Little Johnny Replies. The Man Fell Asleep. When the Man Woke up, He Found Himself in the Hospital. He Looked Around to Find Little Johnny at His Bedside. “Hey Kid, What Happened?”, Asked the Man. “Oh,” Says Little Johnny. “I Tried to Pet Your Birdie. It Tried to Spit Water at Me, so I Cracked It’s Eggs and Burnt It’s Nest.”

Little Johnny Saw His Grandpa Smoking His Cigarettes

One Day, Little Johnny Saw His Grandpa Smoking His Cigarettes. Little Johnny Asked, “Grandpa, Can I Smoke Some of Your Cigarettes?” His Grandpa Replied, “Can Your Penis Reach Your Asshole?” “No,” Said Little Johnny. His Grandpa Replied, “Then You’re Not Old Enough,” the next Day, Little Johnny Saw His Grandpa Drinking Beer. He Asked, “Grandpa, Can I Drink Some of Your Beer?” His Grandpa Replied, “Can Your Penis Reach Your Asshole?” “No,” Said Little Johhny. “Then You’re Not Old Enough,” His Grandpa Replied. The next Day, Little Johnny Was Eating Cookies. His Grandpa Asked, “Can I Have Some of Your Cookies?” Little Johnny Replied, “Can Your Penis Reach Your Asshole?” His Grandpa Replied, “It Most Certainly Can!” Little Johnny Replied, “Then Go Fuck Yourself. These Are My Cookies!”

Anyone Who Thinks He’s Stupid May Stand up

Teacher: “Anyone Who Thinks He’s Stupid May Stand up!”

*Nobody Stands up*

Teacher: “I’m Sure There Are Some Stupid Students over Here!!”

*Little Johnny Stands up*

Teacher: “Ohh, Johnny You Think You’re Stupid?”

Little Johnny: “No… I Just Feel Bad That You’re Standing Alone…”

If There Are 3 Apples

If There Are 3 Apples and Johnny Takes 3, How Many Does Johnny Have?

It Doesn’t Matter; He Was Hit by a Train

She Calls on Little Johnny

A Teacher Asks Her Class, “If There Are 5 Birds Sitting on a Fence and You Shoot One of Them, How Many Will Be Left?” She Calls on Little Johnny.

“None, They All Fly Away with the First Gunshot.”

the Teacher Replies, “The Correct Answer Is 4, but I Like Your Thinking.”

Then Little Johnny Says,

“I Have a Question for YOU.There Are Three Women Sitting on a Bench Having Ice Cream.

One Is Delicately Licking the Sides of the Triple Scoop of Ice Cream. The Second Is Gobbling down the Top and Sucking the Cone.

The Third Is Biting off the Top of the Ice Cream. Which One Is Married?”

the Teacher, Blushing a Great Deal, Replies, “Well I Suppose the One That’s Gobbled down the Top and Sucked the Cone.”

“The Correct Answer Is the One with the Wedding Ring On… …..but I Like Your Thinking.”

20 Years Ago We Had Johnny Cash

20 Years Ago We Had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. Now We Have No Cash, No Hope, and No Jobs.

Please, Dont Let Kevin Bacon Die!

How Far Have You Gone

Teacher: How Far Have You Gone with Your Homework Lil Johnny: About Ten Kilometers Sir.

I Went Home and Came Back with It.

Johnny’s Daddy Is the Principle of the School

Johnny’s Daddy Is the Principle of the School.

He Saw His Teacher Leaving School.

Johnny: ”Hey Miss Where You Going?”

Teacher: ”Home.”

Johnny: ”Can I Come with?”

Teacher: ” No!”

Johnny: ” I’m Gonna Tell My Daddy!”

Teacher: ”Fine.”

They Arrive at the Teachers House…

Teacher: ”Johnny I’m Going to Take a Shower.”

Johnny: ”Can I Come?”


Johnny: ”I’m Gonna Tell My Daddy.”


They Are in the Shower…

Johnny: ”Can I Touch Your Belly Button?”

Teacher: ”No.”

Johnny: ”I’m Gonna Tell My Daddy.”

Teacher: ”Fine.”

Teacher: ”Errr… Johnny That’s Not My Belly Button!”

Johnny: ” That’s Not My Finger.”

So Little Johnny’s teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says “teacher, I’ll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is.” She replies, “okay, meet me after class and we’ll settle it.” But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. “Blue.” “Nope. You got it wrong,” she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn’t wearing any underwear. “Well come with me out to my dads car, he’s waiting for me, and I’ll get you the money.” She follows him out. When they get to the car she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn’t wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: “That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he’d see your pussy before the end of the day!”

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!” After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?” “No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, “Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these.” The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped. I’ll give you a hint,” said the teacher. “It’s something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time.” Instantly, Little Johnny coughed his onto the floor and shouted, “Quick! Spit’em out! They’re assholes!”

One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, “Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?” His grandpa replied, “Can your penis reach your asshole?” “No”, said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, “Then you’re not old enough.” The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, “Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?” His grandpa replied, “Can your penis reach your asshole?” “No” said Little Johhny. “Then you’re not old enough.” his grandpa replied. The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, “Can I have some of your cookies?” Little Johnny replied, “Can your penis reach your asshole?” His grandpa replied, “It most certainly can!” Little Johnny replied, “Then go fuck yourself.

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.” Little Johnny looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”


Johnny was playing outside when he truly needed to go to the bathroom. He keeps running in, and his grandmother was going to clean up. He takes a gander at her groin and says, “Whats that?” She says, “Well, it’s a beaver, Johnny.”

The following day the same thing happens, just his mother is washing up. He says, “Mother I comprehend what that is. It’s a beaver. However, I believe grandmothers is dead cause its tongue is hanging out.”

Messy Ending

One day toward the end of class, little Johnny’s teacher requests that the class go home and think about a story to be finished up with the lesson of that story. The next day the teacher asks the first volunteer to recount their story.

Little Suzy raises her hand. “My father claims a ranch and each Sunday we stack the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to offer them at the shops. Indeed, one Sunday we hit a major knock, and every one of the eggs flew out of the wicker container and onto the street.”

At the point when the teacher requested the lesson of the story, Suzy answered, “Don’t keep all your investments tied up in one place.”

Little Lucy went next. “My father possesses a ranch as well. Consistently we take the chicken eggs and put them in the hatchery. A weekend ago just eight of the 12 eggs brought forth.”

Once more, the teacher requested the lesson of the story.

Lucy answered, “Don’t depend on something that isn’t guaranteed.”

Next up was little Johnny. “My uncle Ted battled in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over adversary region. He bounced out before it smashed yet could just take the case of beer, an automatic rifle, and a blade. In transit down, he drank all the beer. At that point, he landed right amidst 100 Vietnamese officers. He shot 70 with his assault rifle, yet then he came up short on slugs! So he hauled out his cleaver and executed 20 more. At that point the sharp edge of his cleaver broke, so he slaughtered the last ten with his open hands.”

The teacher looked somewhat stunned. After making a sound as if to speak, she asked what conceivable good there could be to this story.

“Well,” Johnny answered, “Don’t fuck with Uncle Ted when he’s drunk.”

Make A Sentence

One day, amid a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher approached the class for a show of hands from the individuals who could utilize “beautiful” in the same sentence twice.

In the first place, she contacted Little Lisa, who reacted with, “My dad purchased my mom cute clothes, and she looked beautiful in it.”

“Good, Lisa,” answered the teacher. She then approached Little Tommy.

“My mother arranged a beautiful dinner, and it turned out fine,” he said.

“Fantastic, Michael!”

At that point, the teacher approached Little Johnny.

The previous evening, amid dinner, my sister told my dad that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just f*%@# beautiful!”

The Priest And Johnny

Little Johnny is sitting with his legs spread before him and calmly squishing every one of the ants on the walkway with his thumb and with every squish says, ‘dead ants, dead ants, dead ants.’ The priest strolls up to Little Johnny and asks him what’s he doing? Johnny looks at the priest without flinching and says slaughtering ants. The Father asks him that all thing on earth are Gods manifestations and of worth and nobody has the privilege to kill. Johnny squishes another ant, and the Priest says to Johnny, ‘If you can concoct three things that have no worth on this planet, I will leave and not aggravate you’re killing of these guiltless ants.’ Johnny considers it for a large portion of a beat of a second and afterward, says as he is as yet squishing the ant…’Balls on a priest, tits on a nun….(squishes another insect) and dead ants!’

Mommy’s Dying

Little Johnny is cleaning up with his mom and says, “Mother, what are those things on your mid-section!?” Unsure of how to answer, she advises Johnny to ask his father at breakfast tomorrow, very sure the matter would be overlooked.

Johnny remembered. The next morning he asked his dad the same inquiry. His dad, consistently speedy with the answers, says, “Why Johnny, those are balloons. At the point when your mom dies, we can explode them, and she’ll buoy to paradise.” Johnny feels that is perfect and asks no more inquiries.

A couple of weeks after the fact, Johnny’s’ father returns home from work a couple of hours early. Johnny comes up short in the house crying madly, “Daddy! Daddy! Mother’s dying!!” His dad says, “Quiet down child! Why do you believe Mommy’s dying?” “Uncle Harry is exploding Mommy’s’ balloons, and she’s shouting, “Gracious God, I’m coming!”