Dirty

Drinking Jokes

Drinking Jokes

A great collection of Drinking Jokes you could ever find on the internet. Feel free to share the best drinking jokes funny with your friends.

A cheeseburger strolls into a bar and the barkeep says, “Too bad, we don’t serve nourishment in here.” A stallion strolls into a bar. The barkeep says, “Thus, why the brooding look?” A skeleton strolls into a bar and says, “Gimme a lager, and a mop.” A soccer ball strolls into a bar. The barkeep showed him out. A performer strolls down a back road and transforms into a bar. A man strolls into a bar. OUCH! You would have thought he would have seen it! A dyslexic person strolls into a bra. A neutron strolls into a bar and requests a brew. The barkeep sets the brew down and says, “For you, no charge!” An Irishman leaves a bar. Hey, it COULD happen!
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Homeless Man
A man was strolling through a fairly dingy area of town, when a bum strolled up to him and approached the man for two dollars. The man asked, “Will you purchase alcohol?” The bum answered, “No.” Then the man asked, “Will you bet it away?” The bum said, “No.” Then the man asked the bum, “Will you return home with me so my better half can see what happens to a man who doesn’t drink or bet?”
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Intoxicated Driving
It appears a man of his word had a lot of liquor at a gathering, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. After being tried, the kindred couldn’t walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper worked out a ticket and had quite recently offered it to the driver before a mishap in the inverse path took his thoughtfulness regarding more critical matters. The intoxicated driver, assuming that the trooper wasn’t returning to him, drove home and went to bed. He was stirred in the morning by a thump at the entryway, made by two more state troopers. “Are you Mr. Johnson?” the inquired? He conceded that he was. “Were you pulled over at Main Street the previous evening for driving impaired?” Again, the man conceded that was he. “What’s more, what did you do then,” the troopers inquired.” The man answered that he drove his auto home and went to bed. “Where is your auto now?” the troopers enquired. The man addressed that it was in the carport. “May we see the auto?” asked the troopers. The man replied, “Beyond any doubt,” and opened the carport. Inside the carport was the state troopers auto.
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Three folks were sitting in a biker bar. A man came in, effectively intoxicated, sat down at the bar and requested a beverage. The man glanced around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table. He got up, stumbled to the table, hung over, looked the greatest one in the face and said, “I passed by your grandmother’s home and I saw her in the lobby, buck bare. Man, she is fine!” The biker took a gander at him and didn’t let out the slightest peep. His pals were confused,because he was a rebel, and would battle at he drop of a cap. The intoxicated inclined toward the table again and said, “I got it on with your grandmother and she is great, the best I ever had!” The biker still said nothing. His amigos were beginning to get distraught. The tipsy inclined toward the table again and said, “I’ll let you know something else kid, your grandmother loved it!” The biker stood up, took the tanked by the shoulder and said, “Damn it, Grandpa, you’re smashed! Go home!”
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Drunk Husband
A spouse was sleeping with her significant other when she heard her better half’s key in the entryway. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so tipsy he won’t notice you’re sleeping with me.” sufficiently sure, the spouse reeled into bed unaware, yet a couple of minutes after the fact, through a plastered cloudiness, he saw six feet standing out toward the end of the bed. He swung to his significant other: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There ought to just be four. What’s going on?” “Rubbish,” said the spouse. “You’re so inebriated you miscalculated. Get up and attempt once more. You can see better from over yonder.” The spouse moved out of overnight boardinghouse. “One, two, three, four. You’re correct, you know.”
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While gladly flaunting his new loft to companions late one night, the smashed drove the route to his room where there was a major metal gong. “What’s that enormous metal gong for?” one of the visitors inquired. “Why, that is the talking clock” the man answered. “How can it work?” “Watch”, the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a mallet. All of a sudden, somebody on the opposite side of the divider shouted, “For fuck purpose, you wanker, it’s 2am in the fucking morning!!”
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A few evenings ago I was welcomed out for a night with “the young ladies.” I told my significant other that I would be home by midnight. “I guarantee!” Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down much too simple. Around 3 a.m., a bit blitzed, I set out toward home. Pretty much as I got in the entryway, the cuckoo check in the corridor began up and cuckooed 3 times. Rapidly understanding my better half would most likely wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was truly glad for myself for thinking of such an intelligent arrangement (notwithstanding when completely crushed), to get away from a conceivable clash with him. The following morning my better half asked me what time I got in, and I let him know midnight. He didn’t appear to be exasperates by any stretch of the imagination. (Whew! Escaped with that one!). At that point he said, “We require another cuckoo clock.” When I asked him for what good reason, he said, “Well, the previous evening our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, “Gracious, poop,” cuckooed 4 more times, made a sound as if to speak, cuckooed another 3 times, chuckled, cuckooed twice more, and after that stumbled
over the feline and flatulated.”
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Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob just went straight over to Joe’s place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her. Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he’d started this about six months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn’t be better. Bob thought he’d give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, “This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!”

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