Comedy Jokes

Comedy Jokes

Comedy Jokes


The cops must be after you since it’s illicit to look that great.



Q: What do you get with a corduroy condom?

An: A cool sort of adoration.



I have something you can take up the chain.



I’d like to think inside your container.



Need to investigate my advantage bundle?

Comedian Jokes

“I don’t want any publicity – you get too many begging letters. If they’re anything like the ones I send out I don’t want to know!”

Tony Hancock (1924-1968)

‘Two cannibals were eating a clown – one said to the other, ‘Does he taste funny to you?’

Tommy Cooper (1921-1984)

Oliver Hardy: ‘Didn’t you once tell me that you had an uncle?’
Stan Laurel: ‘Sure, I’ve got an uncle. Why?’
Oliver: ‘Now we’re getting somewhere. Is he living?’
Stanley: ‘No. He fell through a trap door and broke his neck.’
Oliver: ‘Was he building a house?’
Stanley: ‘No, they were hanging him.’

From The Laurel-Hardy Murder Case (1930). Stan Laurel (1890-1965), Oliver Hardy (1892-1957).

‘My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we don’t know where the hell she is.’

Ellen DeGeneres (January 26 1958-)

‘You know, I go to the theatre to be entertained… I don’t want to see plays about rape, sodomy and drug addiction… I can get all that at home.’

Peter Cook (1937-1995)

‘One-armed butlers – they can take it but they can’t dish it out.’

Tim Vine (March 4 1967-)

“Posh hotels have a turn-down service. I had never heard of this and there was a knock at the door and a woman said, ‘I’ve come to turn down your bed.’ To which I said, ‘Well many women have in the past. Why should you be any different?’”

Michael McIntyre (December 21 1976-)

‘A sewage farm. In what way is it a farm? Is there a farm shop?

Jack Dee (September 24 1961-)

‘I was not a particularly small child. I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school nativity.’

Jo Brand (July 23 1957-)

‘I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.’

Spike Milligan (1918-2002)

‘I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink and be Mary.’

George Carlin (1937-2008)

‘I finally have the body I want. It’s easy, actually, you just have to want a really sh-tty body.’

Louis CK (1967-)

If you enjoyed these funny Dirty Comedy Jokes check out the rest of our site for more funny jokes.